Top 5 90’s horror

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Here we go again. This is the decade I really wanted to avoid. Why you ask? One word, mediocre. Of course the first part of this decade I was a bit young to fully grasp horror movies properly, but I still knew what I liked and what was decent to me. I was worried before starting this one that I would have trouble filling all the spots. Upon digging deeper into the 90’s back catalogue, I was actually surprised at the amount of good shit that I knew and knew well. Ok, fuck it it’s go time!

Number 5
Jason goes to hell
Haha I can hear the groans. I do ask you this but, why do you hate it so much? I mean apart from the random heart munching, the bogus timeline of Jason’s half sisters age, the over the top bounty hunter, the puppet Freddy hands at the entrance to hell or OR is it the fact that Jason actually looks like a persons insides that smokes 2 packs of Winfield reds a day? Wait, WHAT? Jason’s not a person but a dildo looking slimy worm? Erm you’re right I have trouble defending this film because what everyone says is right. It’s crap! But it’s crap I love, end of story.

Number 4
Blair witch project
Now this is a movie that I can and will defend to the end. I’m one of the few people I know that enjoys found footage. Not to say I like it all as its one of the easiest styles to turn into absolute garbage. It needs to be believable, exciting and well done. I hate ones that you can’t see properly or the noise is shit etc. When Blair witch dropped, it created a frenzy and with good reason. It’s exciting, believable and creepy shit. It’s one of those movies that suck you in and makes you think what you are watching is real. F%#k the haters, this movie kills it.

Number 3
IT
Ah penny wise, you’re the reason why so many kids (now adults) are still scared SHITLESS of clowns. I mean c’mon Mr King, you have a nice friendly form of family entertainment in clowns and what do you do? You turn one into a freaking child murderer!!! No just, no. Anyway, this was a movie that when I first seen it when I was younger it didn’t get to me, watch it in my teens? That’s when it came and kicked my arse. Whatever, I never wanted to go to the circus again. (or sewer drains for that matter)

Number 2
Halloween H20
This might be a bias opinion but there is no way in hell I’m leaving my boy Michael of any list. As I have said before, I consider this the last one in the original series (pre zombie remakes) and the ending feels like the perfect closing of the book. Halloween resurrection? Never heard of it. This movie does a damn fine job of re creating the original classic although it’s far behind. Jamie-lee is back and it feels right. All that would have nailed it would be Donald pleasance coming back if he was still with us( RIP)

Number 1
Scream
Come on, what did you really think I would finish with? There are MANY reasons this deserves top billing. It is a movie I can watch over and over and over and ov…..you get me. Scream has the perfect blend of horror and humour. Apart from loving this movie enough for me to make it my number 1, it also deserves it because of the effect it had on horror. I felt this kicked my favourite genres arse and made it wake up to itself, come back and wipe these shitty romantic comedy’s off the map. I will be fair, it inspired a heap of crap, but what decade didn’t have the good and the bad? I remember it was a while until I was allowed to watch this movie but that made me all the more keen and when I did get to watch it, I was amazed. Back when I first seen it I couldn’t see the comedy and loved it for its pure violence and scary theme. Now I understand the humour in it, it makes that much more special.

Honorable mentions
Leatherface- Texas chainsaw 3, Candyman, Audition, Halloween 6, Village of the damned, Texas chainsaw 4, From dusk to dawn, Campfire tales, Wish master, Scream 2, I know what you did last summer, The faculty, Urban legend,, Lake placid, Sleepy hollow, Stir of echoes, House on haunted hill

That’s it. It was actually a lot easier than I thought finding 5+ good 90’s films and I’m glad I did because it has reminded me of a whole heap I need to go buy.

Agree, disagree? Feel free to let me know 😀

I just want to give a MASSIVE shout out to Boss Butcher and give a thanks for putting me up on his website. So people please go check out his site, and download EVERY SINGLE ONE of his podcasts on iTunes/stitcher immediately. He is the host of the terror troop horror movie podcast. I have been a big fan of the show since its inception and each week they tackle some new themes and manage to kill it non stop.
The latest episode is “Lovecraft movies”
Give him a follow on twitter @BossButcher and check out his website if you love horror:
http://www.terrortroop.com

That’s it for me, follow me on twitter @joshmarhoff any questions or comments hit me up, I’m all ears. Well not literally I do have other features too 😉
Peace!

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Top 5 modern horror flicks (post 2000)

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Heyo,

Before the next review (motel hell) comes out, I thought I would do some lists featuring my favourite horror flicks. I will break them up into different headings as I think it’s a cop out and too easy to just do one all time favourite list. I will finish with that however.

To start, I’m going to go with what I feel is the hardest list, “post 2000’s”. Seriously, I’m pretty sure a lot of people would agree with me when I say the pickings get slim when it gets to modern horror. Even if someone makes a throwback genre movie in the model of a Friday film or “the burning” it just doesn’t have that same feel as what it did when they were made in the past. You may be able to chalk that up to modern film making technology, purely for money making or back then it just had all the elements for it to be “just right”.

Anyway, I’m not here to rant I’m here to tell you my top 5. So enough with the stalling and lets start.

Number 5- Halloween 2
Director-Rob Zombie
Year-2009
Wait! Before you purists get too pissed off at me about including this, can I just tell you why. Pretty much it’s the first 20-25 minutes. This is always important to me in a movie as I need to be grabbed and pulled in straight away. I do not care if it was a dream, flashback or something different, the beginning of this movie is INTENSE. The violence is top notch especially towards the ambulance drivers ( cow, cow, COW haha). I’ll admit it goes a bit off the rails as the movie goes on but I don’t think it nearly deserves the hate it gets. If I had to choose this or the original zombie remake it would be this one any day of the week.
7/10

Number 4- The woman
Director- Lucky McKee
Year- 2011
I have already reviewed this one so I won’t spend much time on it. Just want to tell you if you haven’t seen this yet please do. Dark, bleak and tense. This movie has my eyes glued to the screen every time. This ones underrated and I feel it will keep getting noticed and become a fan favourite as time goes on. SEE IT!

Number 3- Excision
Director- Richard Bates Jr.
Year- 2012
This film needs to be BIGGER. I had never heard, seen or read a review on this film when I rented it.(yes I still rent, support the little guys!!!)
One thing I will say is I’m so glad I have seen it. To say this is a strange film is an understatement. It follows the day to day troubles of teenager Pauline (Annalynne McCord) as she deals with bullies, her sisters illness and her obsession with becoming a surgeon. She will do anything to impress her controlling mother and yes ma’am father, but at the same time, piss them off till no end. I don’t want to ruin too much of this movie but the movie works its way to an unexpected horrible and touching? Ending. If you like quirky indie, strange gore, VERY dark humor and just plain strangeness, then get on this. McCord is unrecognizable from her good looking self and steals this movie and makes it her own.
8.5/10

Number 2- The descent
Director- Neill Marshall
Year- 2005
I don’t think I need to explain too much with this movie as it is a favourite by many. The last time I can remember being claustrophobic was when I was a young kid, that was until I watched this movie. Seriously, even before the “bad guys”(don’t want to ruin it) come and turn the bad situation to an “ohhh shit” situation, I was freaked out! When they are getting stuck in those little tunnels it makes me want to get up and do star jumps so I know I’m not confined. Anyway, this follows a group of ladies who go for a weekend of caving in what they thought was an already discovered cave. Guess again. Once they find out they are first to go in this cave system, everything turns to shit. This wasn’t a huge mainstream hit but has since gained a massive following. Put a point up for the poms cause they did a bloody good job with this one.

Number 1- The Strangers
Director- Brian Bertino
Year 2008
Oh god I can hear the abuse now. WHAT, are you kidding me? Bla bla bla. Yup heard it all but it’s not going to change my mind and that is I LOVE THIS MOVIE! It’s hard for a movie to creep me out and this one does a good job. The thing that works best for me is there is always something going on in the back ground. Usually just something simple but effective such as one of the antagonists slowly walking onto the screen and back out again without liv Tyler knowing. This movie gets my blood boiling a bit like the honorable mention down there. I hate the fact that these people come in and completely destroy these people’s lives and BRAVO for the movie for getting that kind of response out of me. It might be anger but it’s still getting me invested in this film which is better than sitting there counting the clock. I’m pretty sure you have all seen this but if you haven’t, watch it at home alone at night and see what you’re thinking when you go to bed.

Honorable mention
Eden Lake.
James Watkins
2008
I back and forthed on this one. Is it horror is it not, is it better than the other 5. In the end I feel it’s more a thriller but still wanted to get it on here. I can only watch this movie every now and then as it gets me angry haha. Those punks deserve to be beat down and it never comes except for a couple of them, which I do a little fist in the air every time 🙂 the movie is about a happy couple who go to a part of the woods that’s going to be demolished soon for housing. While there, they get into an altercation with some local dickweeds (teenagers) and shit gets real very quickly. What follows is dog murder, torture, man hunting, bullying and all sorts of terrifying real life shit. Does it start with these teens or does it go back to the parents who may be responsible for the going ons throughout the movie? Who cares, make a sequel and get revenge on Em all so I can go to sleep at night not angry for once since I seen this movie 4 years ago. Kidding, sort of. Oh yeah, another point to the English. Well done lads.

What would have made my top ten
House of a thousand corpses, the hills have eyes remake, paranormal activity 1, hostel.

Anyway, that’s it. Remember this is not an all time list, just the last 13 years. Disagree or agree, feel free to abuse or yell in the comments or on twitter 🙂
Up next will be the top 5 90’s. Shit, are there more than 2?

Twitter @joshmarhoff

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Cabin in the woods

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hhHHEEELllooo!!!
So, being situated in the great old Australia is usually pretty damn good. BUT when it comes to film and television, we are usually way behind the 8 ball. So over the last couple months I have heard nothing but cabin in the woods talks, reviews and discussions. I am sick of hearing people say “the less you know going in, the better”. Maybe so, but I still want to see it and thanks to the land down under being so incapable when it comes to film (horror in particular) cabin in the woods will not be receiving a wide cinema release, but thanks to a small group of dedicated fans they have managed to get the film into selected indie cinemas around Australia. THANK YOU!!! So this weekend or next I will be heading off to see the movie and will immediately get a review out (mainly cause my memory is shite). If anyone out there has seen it, feel free to comment with your thoughts, I would love to hear them. Cheers for now and “The woman” review will be coming shortly.
Peace!