Motel Hell

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Originally posted on http://horrorhothousereview.wordpress.com/

Motel Hell
Starring- Rory Calhoun, Paul Linke, Nancy Parsons, Nina Axelrod,
Director- Kevin Connor
Made- 1980
Tagline- You might just die….laughing
Fave quotes- “Meats meat and a man’s gotta eat.”
“There are too many people in the world and not enough food. Now this takes care of both problems at the same time.”

Who doesn’t love the 80s? Whether its horror movies, fashion or music, it just seems like the most fun (cheesy?) decade. I sometimes think I was born too late in the 80’s and would have preferred to live out this decade in its entirety. Alas, I have to make do with constantly visiting this time period and enjoying the shit out of it.

This brings us to the latest review, Motel Hell. This little gem found its way to my hands a few years ago when I picked up a 80s horror box set. This included Killer Klowns from outer space, Crawl space, Monkey Shines, Brain Damage, Full Moon High and more. Ten bucks? BARGAIN!
I just want to get this out of the way first. I love this movie! On average, this gets put on probably every 2 months. To me, this just encapsulates everything a 80s horror movie should be, funny, violent, twisted, corny and weird.

Motel Hell tells the story of farmer Vincent, a kindly old gentleman who runs an old motel and makes some of the best road side food around. What makes farmer Vincent’s meats so delicious? Well a nice old mix of sauces, spices, gravy and human. Whaa?

Farmer Vincent and his sister, Ida, kidnap unsuspecting guests and smoke em, grind em, mince em and eat em. After all, “it takes all kinds of critters to make farmer Vincent’s fritters.” That’s pretty much all you need to know going into Motel Hell. The rest is just a delightfully funny movie that will keep you watching until the end.

To read full review head on over to
http://horrorhothousereview.wordpress.com/

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Top 5 90’s horror

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Here we go again. This is the decade I really wanted to avoid. Why you ask? One word, mediocre. Of course the first part of this decade I was a bit young to fully grasp horror movies properly, but I still knew what I liked and what was decent to me. I was worried before starting this one that I would have trouble filling all the spots. Upon digging deeper into the 90’s back catalogue, I was actually surprised at the amount of good shit that I knew and knew well. Ok, fuck it it’s go time!

Number 5
Jason goes to hell
Haha I can hear the groans. I do ask you this but, why do you hate it so much? I mean apart from the random heart munching, the bogus timeline of Jason’s half sisters age, the over the top bounty hunter, the puppet Freddy hands at the entrance to hell or OR is it the fact that Jason actually looks like a persons insides that smokes 2 packs of Winfield reds a day? Wait, WHAT? Jason’s not a person but a dildo looking slimy worm? Erm you’re right I have trouble defending this film because what everyone says is right. It’s crap! But it’s crap I love, end of story.

Number 4
Blair witch project
Now this is a movie that I can and will defend to the end. I’m one of the few people I know that enjoys found footage. Not to say I like it all as its one of the easiest styles to turn into absolute garbage. It needs to be believable, exciting and well done. I hate ones that you can’t see properly or the noise is shit etc. When Blair witch dropped, it created a frenzy and with good reason. It’s exciting, believable and creepy shit. It’s one of those movies that suck you in and makes you think what you are watching is real. F%#k the haters, this movie kills it.

Number 3
IT
Ah penny wise, you’re the reason why so many kids (now adults) are still scared SHITLESS of clowns. I mean c’mon Mr King, you have a nice friendly form of family entertainment in clowns and what do you do? You turn one into a freaking child murderer!!! No just, no. Anyway, this was a movie that when I first seen it when I was younger it didn’t get to me, watch it in my teens? That’s when it came and kicked my arse. Whatever, I never wanted to go to the circus again. (or sewer drains for that matter)

Number 2
Halloween H20
This might be a bias opinion but there is no way in hell I’m leaving my boy Michael of any list. As I have said before, I consider this the last one in the original series (pre zombie remakes) and the ending feels like the perfect closing of the book. Halloween resurrection? Never heard of it. This movie does a damn fine job of re creating the original classic although it’s far behind. Jamie-lee is back and it feels right. All that would have nailed it would be Donald pleasance coming back if he was still with us( RIP)

Number 1
Scream
Come on, what did you really think I would finish with? There are MANY reasons this deserves top billing. It is a movie I can watch over and over and over and ov…..you get me. Scream has the perfect blend of horror and humour. Apart from loving this movie enough for me to make it my number 1, it also deserves it because of the effect it had on horror. I felt this kicked my favourite genres arse and made it wake up to itself, come back and wipe these shitty romantic comedy’s off the map. I will be fair, it inspired a heap of crap, but what decade didn’t have the good and the bad? I remember it was a while until I was allowed to watch this movie but that made me all the more keen and when I did get to watch it, I was amazed. Back when I first seen it I couldn’t see the comedy and loved it for its pure violence and scary theme. Now I understand the humour in it, it makes that much more special.

Honorable mentions
Leatherface- Texas chainsaw 3, Candyman, Audition, Halloween 6, Village of the damned, Texas chainsaw 4, From dusk to dawn, Campfire tales, Wish master, Scream 2, I know what you did last summer, The faculty, Urban legend,, Lake placid, Sleepy hollow, Stir of echoes, House on haunted hill

That’s it. It was actually a lot easier than I thought finding 5+ good 90’s films and I’m glad I did because it has reminded me of a whole heap I need to go buy.

Agree, disagree? Feel free to let me know 😀

I just want to give a MASSIVE shout out to Boss Butcher and give a thanks for putting me up on his website. So people please go check out his site, and download EVERY SINGLE ONE of his podcasts on iTunes/stitcher immediately. He is the host of the terror troop horror movie podcast. I have been a big fan of the show since its inception and each week they tackle some new themes and manage to kill it non stop.
The latest episode is “Lovecraft movies”
Give him a follow on twitter @BossButcher and check out his website if you love horror:
http://www.terrortroop.com

That’s it for me, follow me on twitter @joshmarhoff any questions or comments hit me up, I’m all ears. Well not literally I do have other features too 😉
Peace!

Top 5 modern horror flicks (post 2000)

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Heyo,

Before the next review (motel hell) comes out, I thought I would do some lists featuring my favourite horror flicks. I will break them up into different headings as I think it’s a cop out and too easy to just do one all time favourite list. I will finish with that however.

To start, I’m going to go with what I feel is the hardest list, “post 2000’s”. Seriously, I’m pretty sure a lot of people would agree with me when I say the pickings get slim when it gets to modern horror. Even if someone makes a throwback genre movie in the model of a Friday film or “the burning” it just doesn’t have that same feel as what it did when they were made in the past. You may be able to chalk that up to modern film making technology, purely for money making or back then it just had all the elements for it to be “just right”.

Anyway, I’m not here to rant I’m here to tell you my top 5. So enough with the stalling and lets start.

Number 5- Halloween 2
Director-Rob Zombie
Year-2009
Wait! Before you purists get too pissed off at me about including this, can I just tell you why. Pretty much it’s the first 20-25 minutes. This is always important to me in a movie as I need to be grabbed and pulled in straight away. I do not care if it was a dream, flashback or something different, the beginning of this movie is INTENSE. The violence is top notch especially towards the ambulance drivers ( cow, cow, COW haha). I’ll admit it goes a bit off the rails as the movie goes on but I don’t think it nearly deserves the hate it gets. If I had to choose this or the original zombie remake it would be this one any day of the week.
7/10

Number 4- The woman
Director- Lucky McKee
Year- 2011
I have already reviewed this one so I won’t spend much time on it. Just want to tell you if you haven’t seen this yet please do. Dark, bleak and tense. This movie has my eyes glued to the screen every time. This ones underrated and I feel it will keep getting noticed and become a fan favourite as time goes on. SEE IT!

Number 3- Excision
Director- Richard Bates Jr.
Year- 2012
This film needs to be BIGGER. I had never heard, seen or read a review on this film when I rented it.(yes I still rent, support the little guys!!!)
One thing I will say is I’m so glad I have seen it. To say this is a strange film is an understatement. It follows the day to day troubles of teenager Pauline (Annalynne McCord) as she deals with bullies, her sisters illness and her obsession with becoming a surgeon. She will do anything to impress her controlling mother and yes ma’am father, but at the same time, piss them off till no end. I don’t want to ruin too much of this movie but the movie works its way to an unexpected horrible and touching? Ending. If you like quirky indie, strange gore, VERY dark humor and just plain strangeness, then get on this. McCord is unrecognizable from her good looking self and steals this movie and makes it her own.
8.5/10

Number 2- The descent
Director- Neill Marshall
Year- 2005
I don’t think I need to explain too much with this movie as it is a favourite by many. The last time I can remember being claustrophobic was when I was a young kid, that was until I watched this movie. Seriously, even before the “bad guys”(don’t want to ruin it) come and turn the bad situation to an “ohhh shit” situation, I was freaked out! When they are getting stuck in those little tunnels it makes me want to get up and do star jumps so I know I’m not confined. Anyway, this follows a group of ladies who go for a weekend of caving in what they thought was an already discovered cave. Guess again. Once they find out they are first to go in this cave system, everything turns to shit. This wasn’t a huge mainstream hit but has since gained a massive following. Put a point up for the poms cause they did a bloody good job with this one.

Number 1- The Strangers
Director- Brian Bertino
Year 2008
Oh god I can hear the abuse now. WHAT, are you kidding me? Bla bla bla. Yup heard it all but it’s not going to change my mind and that is I LOVE THIS MOVIE! It’s hard for a movie to creep me out and this one does a good job. The thing that works best for me is there is always something going on in the back ground. Usually just something simple but effective such as one of the antagonists slowly walking onto the screen and back out again without liv Tyler knowing. This movie gets my blood boiling a bit like the honorable mention down there. I hate the fact that these people come in and completely destroy these people’s lives and BRAVO for the movie for getting that kind of response out of me. It might be anger but it’s still getting me invested in this film which is better than sitting there counting the clock. I’m pretty sure you have all seen this but if you haven’t, watch it at home alone at night and see what you’re thinking when you go to bed.

Honorable mention
Eden Lake.
James Watkins
2008
I back and forthed on this one. Is it horror is it not, is it better than the other 5. In the end I feel it’s more a thriller but still wanted to get it on here. I can only watch this movie every now and then as it gets me angry haha. Those punks deserve to be beat down and it never comes except for a couple of them, which I do a little fist in the air every time 🙂 the movie is about a happy couple who go to a part of the woods that’s going to be demolished soon for housing. While there, they get into an altercation with some local dickweeds (teenagers) and shit gets real very quickly. What follows is dog murder, torture, man hunting, bullying and all sorts of terrifying real life shit. Does it start with these teens or does it go back to the parents who may be responsible for the going ons throughout the movie? Who cares, make a sequel and get revenge on Em all so I can go to sleep at night not angry for once since I seen this movie 4 years ago. Kidding, sort of. Oh yeah, another point to the English. Well done lads.

What would have made my top ten
House of a thousand corpses, the hills have eyes remake, paranormal activity 1, hostel.

Anyway, that’s it. Remember this is not an all time list, just the last 13 years. Disagree or agree, feel free to abuse or yell in the comments or on twitter 🙂
Up next will be the top 5 90’s. Shit, are there more than 2?

Twitter @joshmarhoff

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Friday the 13th part 2, mini review

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Morning,

I just realized it has been a while since I put anything up so I decided to do a mini review so this place doesn’t start forming tumbleweeds and lonely western music.
I chose Friday the 13th part 2 because along with Halloween and the Texas chainsaw massacre, shaped me into the horror loving nut I am today. Halloween is already done so I guess I have to do Friday and Texas to complete my inspiration trilogy.

Pick any of the first 4 Friday movies, and I guarantee that one of these will be someone’s favorite. Whether it’s number 1 because people like that that’s where it all started, number 3 because this is where Jason really started to take shape with his hockey mask and all, or number 4 because well come on, all star line-up, awesome kills, Crispin glovers AMAZING dance, the beginning of the tommy trilogy, and I think finally Friday the 13th had established itself and it didn’t look like slowing down EVER(until the very next release, number….5. *shudder* DAMN YOU ROY).

For me, number 3 can be taken from the box set, along with number 5(god damn it Roy get outta here) and I wouldn’t care. I think it’s a minor hiccup in an otherwise strong beginning series. One is ok, but I need me some Jason. Number 4 is a close second fave, but NOTHING can knock number 2 from its perch as my number 1 Friday.

Set 5 years after the horrible bloodbath at camp crystal lake, the legend of Jason continues to grow. Now, a new batch of camp counsellors have come to be trained……in dying. Ha, no but seriously, Jason has grown the eff up and is pissed. Mayhem ensues. See- Bloodbath.

Friday 2 has everything I like in a slasher, the campfire tale, good fx, sub par acting, and Jason with a bag over his head. Yes I love the bag, it’s creepy and effective and it nearly makes me wanna give Jason a hug and just tell him that dude, you aren’t that ugly(he is).

Friday the 13th part 2 is one of those movies I can watch again and again and again. Sure it has it’s faults with acting and story/timeline and the confusing ending, but to me that makes it great. Hell, I even love big red Stuart Charno. Amy steel is probably my favourite final girl out of the whole series, she is a decent actor and portrays fear which is rare in an 80’s slasher. The part where it is pitch black and she screams “paul there’s someone in the fucking room” still gives me goosebumps. Roy never gave me goosebumps( I mean it Roy GO AWAY you un scary bastard)

This version of Jason I also find creepy. He seems like a normal dude, not a zombie yet, and just creeps the hell outta me. The way he hunts and kills is a lot of fun. What about the dude in the wheel chair. HELL YES!! That guy was destroyed, although I’m still confused as to why they used that bad pause and transition to the next scene :/ ah well 80’s slasher, it gets a pass.

Like most of its peers that were made around the same time, it is choc full of cheesy dialogue. My favourite however, comes very early in the movie when our head camp counselor is giving a run down of some rules and regulations. That’s all fine until he mentions a special rule for the ladies. He informs them that during menstruation if they don’t keep “clean” a bear will come :/……….WHAT?? What bear is going to come and eat them and WHY?? Lol ( I hope a bear eats Roy, ROY!!!)

Anyway, this movie is a classic and if you haven’t seen it yet, really?, you need to. It has everything to love about a Friday the 13th movie. It has everything to love about an 80’s movie. It has everything to love about a slasher movie. It’s brilliant.

9.5/10- there isn’t many movies that I will give a perfect score to, but a 9.5 is top score.
Forgive me for any mistakes as I have typed this on my iPad and right now I’m getting to the point of frustration.

Feel free to comment or hit me up on twitter
Twitter @joshmarhoff
Instagram #joshrm

P.S GO HOME ROY!
Cheers

Redd Inc

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Redd Inc
Starring:
Nicholas Hope, Kelly Paterniti, Sam Reid, James Mackay, Daniel Krige
Director:
Daniel Krige
Writers:
Jonathon Green,Anthony O’connor
Tagline:
You have been warned.
Heads will roll.

More often than not when getting ready to watch new horror movies, I have found myself going into them with low expectations. It’s not something I mean to do but with the ratio of good to bad horror over the last few years, I would say it is no surprise. I will say this though, going into a movie you know nothing about with very low expectations, can sometimes mean you end up having a blast and being pleasantly surprised. As was the case with this little gem. With that said, enough of the bullshit small talk, lets get into this movie.

Thomas Reddmann(Nicholas Hope) was found guilty of being the “Headhunter”, a vicious serial killer taking out the high ups and corporate scum in violent, bloody ways and sent to jail. After a creative breakout, by being declared dead, Reddmann sets out to clear his name of the crime he was imprisoned for. Luckily for him, he has a dedicated team working around the clock to find the real killer, actually they are those who he feels are responsible for finding him guilty, leading to his incarceration. Chained to a desk, they must clear his name while trying not to become a victim.

Now, I had read the plot on the back of the case and watched the trailers and when the movie started it threw me for a loop. Starting out how i thought it would end was a nice way to get things going. The first five minutes waas bloody and fun. It gave off a look and feel of a comic book, which I loved. I was going to let this play in the background while I did some work but that was soon discarded for later as now I was curious and waiting for what was to come. I mean, he has gone to jail already now what is this movie about?

As I have said in previous posts, I dont like going too much into these movies as I feel it’s better to go into movies not knowing as much and I think other people should too. (Not telling you what to do or anything, but DO IT!!)

The lead girl, along with the rest of the cast are refreshing and somewhat original. I was glad to see that the trapped people were not made up of , wait lets list them off here: a dumb jock, a dumb bimbo, a dumb nerd, a dumb black guy and a dumb stoner. The way they interact and explore their current situation, is interesting to watch unfold and see how they handle each problem.

The film is gory and brutal and creative in its kills and when you have Mr TOM FUCKING SAVINI doing the fx, it puts you front and centre for a bloody good time. Think Saw 1, with the premise and the violence but this is actually good. Looking back at the original saw, even though it is not that old, it already looks dated. This movie i feel will not have that problem.

Now, do not get the wrong idea and count this movie out with this next sentence but this movie also has a good dose of humour. Wait come back, don’t leave, I am not a big horror comedy fan either so sit down shut up and listen. I have heard this labelled as a horror comedy but I will disagree.Sorry writers/directors if that was your intention BUT it is better this way. The comedy that is in the movie is subtle and does not intefere at all when the violence and gore is on screen. There is nothing worse than having a violent dark scene ruined by a lame joke which cheapens the movie. Here I feel they found the perfect blend and it mixes well.

Nicholas Hope who plays Reddmann, does an exceptional job as the man who needs his name cleared by any means necessary. He is scary, funny and a madman but at times I couldn’t help rooting for him as if he was the protagonist. Weird I know.

What would a movie be without a good twist, I will admit i seen half of it coming but the way that it played out was surprising and well done and left me satisfied. They didn’t overplay it, they didn’t make it unbelievable, it was hmmmmm fitting.

Alrighty, that will do for me I think I have done enough to convince you to check this movie out and support local horror(Filmed in Australia) and ALL horror for that matter. For as long as movies like this are being watched, they will keep getting made and honestly it is alot better then these big budget shit fests that keep getting shoved down our throats. Go seek out this movie and enjoy it.
CHEERS!!!

Rating: 8 out of 10

Hit me up on twitter @joshmarhoff and let me hear your thoughts. Good or bad i can take it. 🙂

The Woman

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The Woman (2011)

Director- Lucky Mckee

Starring- Pollyanna McIntoshSean Bridgers, Lauren Ashley CarterShyla Molhusen, Shyla Molhusen

Tagline- “Not every monster lives in the wild.”

Going into my first viewing of “The woman” I knew very little about the film. I think with a film like this, that is the best way. I just want to say that i had never even heard of Lucky Mckee before this film and now I will be certain to seek out other films by him.

Chris Cleek is a succesful country lawyer, he has a nice family, a nice house and from the outside things look perfect. But things are not so rosey, not for his family at least. While hunting, the father comes across a “feral woman” living in the wild and decides that the next logical step is to capture her, take her back to the barn and “civilize” her. That was his first and biggest mistake.

I do not want to go into the story and what unfolds too much more as just watching this film unfold with no expectations is one of the most unsettling and amazing movie viewing experiences i have had in recent times. The one thing that a film like this needs is mood and atmosphere. This movie takes both these tools and absolutely fucking nails it! The bleak atmosphere is ever present throughout the whole film. Perfect example, my girlfriend walks into the room where i am watching “The woman” stays 5 minutes and has to leave as it got to her that quick. She said she could feel the mood and knew it will be a movie with no happy ending and no light at the end of the tunnel. How right she was.

Although the violence and gore does not come along until about the last 20-25 minutes, you do not drift or start to get bored at all. The low budget seems to work to the films advantage and makes it that much more effective.(I hate fucking polished movies- MICHAEL BAY lookin at ya) Once you do get to the end where the tables start to turn, it becomes a revenge flick in the same vein as “I spit on your grave” and “The last house on the left” and when this revenge comes, you can’t help but fucking revel in the fact. The attacks are brutal, gory and disturbing.

The actors in the film are also superb and play the parts to a tee. You can not help but feel so much hate for some characters and so much sympathy for others. I believe that if there are characters that affect you,whether make your blood boil or make you want to jump in the screen and just fucking help them, they must be doing something right and here Lucky got the best out of his relatively unknown cast.

I wish this film got a lot more attention as i feel that it is one of the rare gems that is keeping the horror genre alive. I know that it is rather popular but not what it should be. I could ask 20 people that love horror and only maybe 5 have seen it.

This film is a little weird, a little bizarre, and very different, but it is oh so original and that is so hard to find these days in the deep shit coloured swamp that is modern horror. So well done Lucky Mckee, the cast and everyone involved in this little movie as it has restored my faith that one day i will watch just many modern movies as i do old classics.

8 out of 10